someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
