I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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