So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
