I think my fart just growled at me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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