It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just invented taco cereal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were trust falling into bushes
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
