He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
