If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
