I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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