Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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