Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
