i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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