I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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