GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
