can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
