All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
