i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
