i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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