Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
