i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it hurts more in the daytime
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
