i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
