were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
