He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You just made me feel so damn special
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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