Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
