Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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