Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
