i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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