You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
