I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
