About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
