There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
