You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
