the new term for farting is butt boxing.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
