True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize