I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
