It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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