Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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