She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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