i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
