I murdered the dance floor call the cops
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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