Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
