You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
