Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
