Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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