You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
