i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
