She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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