i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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