did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
