dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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