chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
