Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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