The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
