maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
